Skyping It In

Yesterday, I skyped in for a regular weekly meeting. This was my third time skyping in (the first time: okay, the second time: not so much). All went well, but managing a baby and participating in a meeting, while looking at documents on a computer is, well, hard.

I'm very fortunate that all the members of the committee are so generous. They would love for me to come in and bring Nola--and I'm sure she would love being there and seeing everyone, too. But I'm not up for the hour-long screaming festival drive there, and then back again that would be required. Nola is not a fan of the carseat. Vehemently not a fan.

Nola is usually napping for the first part of the meeting, but she usually wakes up about 20 minutes in. I angle the Skype screen up to just my face and feed her, and when she's done, she burps for all to hear (I kind of love watching people look around before they remember there's a baby). Then she spends much of the rest of the meeting playing in her Exersaucer and smiling at me. This part is hardest, because she clearly wants to engage with me and play, and she hears me talking, so I suspect she thinks I'm talking to her. Still, the committee never hears her cry for more than a second (when she wakes up from her nap), and I'm able to participate pretty effectively.

But there was this one moment that was awkward for me. The person who normally takes the minutes was absent, and so they asked me to take minutes. This was weird for two reasons: 1. last week, I kept getting kicked off skype, so I missed most of the meeting. Not so good for the minutes, if it should happen again. And 2. seriously? I'm managing a baby! You want me to nurse her, pay attention to all of what's being said, look at the required documents on my computer, and take notes? I'm good, but I'm not that good.

So I awkwardly said no (something I actually am pretty proud of--especially in academic committee work, I think women often are asked to do things that they feel they can't say no to). I reminded them that I would be managing Nola and that I might have to step out for a moment or two to take care of her, so that I wouldn't necessarily hear everything and be able to note it effectively. There was a moment of silence, and the duty was redistributed. The rest of the meeting went smoothly, and I like to think I was a bit of a phenom, feeding my baby while balancing my laptop just outside the Boppy pillow on the very edge of my knees, while Skpying from my IPad. God bless technology, and long legs.

Still, I feel guilt about not taking the minutes. I'm sure no one else thinks anything of it, but it's just another of the million accomodations being a working mom requires. Everything is just a little bit harder: infinitely worth it, but I always feel a little inadequate. And I hate the moments when I have to pull out the mommy card. The I-would-love-to-but-I-can't-because-Nola-is-napping/eating/sleeping/crying/playing. People seem pretty nice about the mommy card right now, but I can see my future. When she is less teeny and adorable, I suspect my excuses will not be received with such forgiveness. And I know she's actually easier now than she will be in about a year.

Maybe by then I just won't care as much.

But I do right now. I miss being capable.