First Cold: Or, What the Hell is Coming Out of my Face?

So Nola got her first cold, accompanied by her first fever. It sucks for all of us.

What happened to my beautifully sleeping baby? She is broken! She won't nap, she won't go to sleep until 2 hours past bedtime, and she insists on being cuddled all day long, while eating nonstop.

Oh wait. She's pretty much exactly like me when I'm sick. Except I understand about snot.

Nola does not understand snot.

It keeps pouring out of her adorable teeny nose, and any attempts to wipe, suck, or prevent it are met with great cries of passionate objection. Kleenexes are bullshit! Swedish snot suckers are bullshit! Nasal saline is bullshit! And fever-reducing acetamenophin is particularly grape-flavored bullshit.

Poor little lady: she will be playing happily and then burst into tears for about 5 seconds, because she remembers that she feels like crap. And then mommy (traitor!) tries to wipe away more of the free-flowing snot waterfall.

I believe I've said the word snot enough for a first blog post ever. Now I'll make an actual point. I blame daycare.

Daycare is a great thing, and I'm grateful we have it. I think the caregivers at our daycare are genuinely loving and careful. I don't think the other kids are germ factories (okay, maybe they are, but only in the cutest of ways). But I'm mad that I have to put my daughter in daycare. And I KNOW I have it better than 90% of the working moms out there.

A good friend in Canada just had her first day back to work after the birth of her child. He is two. Nola is 5 months old, and she just had her first day, thanks to the miracles of an academic's flexible schedule. She will only be in daycare two days per week until I feel better. Right now, she won't take a bottle. And you know what? She shouldn't freaking have to. I don't WANT to give her a bottle. We worked so hard to get breastfeeding to work (she didn't learn to latch until she was 4 weeks old, so I pumped 12-15 times per day, finger fed and bottle fed her, and tried to teach her to latch while she screamed in frustration). Breastfeeding did NOT come easily for us; it was a hard-fought battle, and it was worth every tear. I don't care how other families choose to feed their babies, but this is how I want to feed mine.

Except I can't, two days per week. Again, I know we have it so much better than so many mommies out there, and I do love my job and my students. But in Nola's one seven-hour day of daycare, she sort of ate (not much and not well), and she sort of napped (also not much and not well), yet she was sweet with her caregivers and so happy to see daddy when he picked her up, and mommy when she got home. The result: she nursed all evening, went well past her bedtime, and woke up 4 times to eat from 2 AM to 7 AM (when she usually sleeps through, and has, thankfully, since shewas 4 weeks old). I didn't even mind--anything to make sure my girl gets enough nutrition! But then she got the cold.

Was this because of not napping? Not eating? not sleeping enough at night? the aforementioned adorable germ factories at daycare? I don't know. But I would be lying if I said I didn't care. All I can think, as I recover from yesterday's snot festival (slightly improved today) and fussy no-napping baby (which kept me from doing the work I needed to do and freaked me out about the future of work for this semester), is that this wouldn't be happening if she didn't have to be in daycare.

Now I know kids have to develop immunities some time, and that daycare is great for them socially, and all that. But as I watch my baby girl gargle her own snot with such a sad little look on her face, I can't help but be mad. At myself. At the way we perceive work in the country. At the...oh, I don't know. But I had better stop ranting and go play with this sweet sicky baby.